on what ifs

i lie in bed awake some nights
thinking of the narrow
misses, the close calls. all
the days that could have ended
catastrophically for me, for
someone i love. places where
the paths could have diverged,
led to a life that’s drastically
diff’rent from the one i have
now. these past few years
especially. the choice to
accept or reject an invitation,
a day it wasn’t raining so
torrentially. i’m sure there are